I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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