Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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