This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So squirting runs in the family.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
