He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
