I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
