seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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