so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
