wakey wakey hands off snakey
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
