Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
