Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
