i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think a kid would responsible me up
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
