how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
