if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
is that a dick in a sweater?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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