Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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