i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
