You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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