talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
