You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
