Three words: puerto rican gang bang
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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