This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
BRING THE BAGELS
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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