my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
