I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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