Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
