i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
