Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
