I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
