Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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