Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
