pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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