Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
