your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
