The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
