Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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