I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
