What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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