My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
