i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
