clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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