I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You're a waste of cheezeits
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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