the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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