Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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