..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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