I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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