I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
