Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
