I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
