I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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