They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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