lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
