All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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