don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
