Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
