I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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