I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
