FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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