Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think a kid would responsible me up
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
